Around the year 200 AD many Highland Scots were seriously fed up. The local whisky industry had almost been wiped out by cheap imported plonk from Roman merchants south of Hadrian’s Wall. Add to that, that for a few decades the weather had been even more miserable than normal due to drifting pollution from the Lowlands.
Some Clansmen, on an assigned royal mission, had navigated south and found nice beaches on Mallorca, but they also found the Balearic Islands to be overcrowded by way too many Spanish.
So King Dargart ordered his best seamen further south in the Atlantic with strict orders not to return before they had found a pleasant stretch of land with nice beaches, few people and a proper base for whisky production.
Dargart had to wait quite some time, but finally one day a post card arrived, stamped in a place called Jubim, Brazil. The post card – actually a polaroid photo – showed the King’s men all jolly while still deeply focused on their game of beach volleyball, red-bellied in their yellow Speedos. “Plenty of land and water, no people, nice weather. Please bring barley seed and sun lotion” was all the card read. This is the historical background for the little known Scottish colony “Caledonian Wonderland” in what is today called Brazil. A colony that existed and prospered peacefully for several hundred years until one day a lookout saw a flotilla of square sail longships approaching on the horizon….